Beneath
by Alice Esther
Summary: Jack/Renee fluffie! XD First fanfic, so be nice. What happens after Renee finds out Jack is dying D7 . AU
1. Beneath, Renee

**A/N: This is chapter one my horrible first attempt at a fanfiction. It is a Jack/Renee fic. While the pairing is not popular yet, someday they will rule the world! *insert evil laugh here* Anyway, I think an author is supposed to do one of these things:**

_***DISCLAIMER***_**: I do not pwn like the producers of 24, therefore I do not own the show. My pitiful attempts at 24 writing are chicken scratch compared to their awesome work. *Tell me your secrets Kiefer Sutherland!* (No one saw that).**

**Anyway, enjoy! XD (Written from Renee's POV, btw.)**

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What a pity party. Larry asks me to do the debrief for Jack. His voice is tinged with scorn as he asks me. Technically, I'm fired, and shouldn't have to listen to him. I want to say "no", but I nod and walk away. He thinks I'm falling for Jack. There may be reasons why he feels that way, but that doesn't mean he has to be so angry about it. What do I think? I don't know who or what I can believe anymore. Not after today.

Jack is dying. There, I said it. It's a bitter truth. Life is never fair, especially to someone whose actions saved thousands of lives, but couldn't salvage his own. Macer explained an experimental treatment. But he turned it down as soon as she mentioned the daughter, Kim. I wish he would've taken the chance. He doesn't want to risk someone else's life for his own, even though he deserves it for all the times he's laid his own life on the line for someone else. I want to convince him to have the treatment, but there's no changing Jack's mind once it's set.

I walk quickly down the hallway, stopping outside of the room Larry directed me to. I take a deep breath. I open the door and step in. And there he is. He's putting on a shirt when he turns and sees me. I gasp. Scars run deep canyons down his chest and back. Strange, but he's scarred on the inside as well.

"Sorry," he says quickly as he tugs his white t-shirt down.

I step closer to him and say, "Don't be."

He looks at me, trying to read my face. His blue-gray eyes cloud a little. That's about as little a show of emotion as you would expect from Jack Bauer. Somehow, he keeps himself hidden from view, behind a maze of walls and shadows. As for me, I'm not doing a good job of keeping my feelings in check.

"How do you do it?" I ask. He blinks.

"What? D-do what?"

I bite my lip and spill everything I am thinking. "Keep so calm even with all this against you. You--you never show any sadness or fear. Why? What twisted masquerade, a mask that hides you inside. So many walls built to lock in any sign of something--something that makes you human."

He is silent. He blinks again, but something about his expression tells me my words are hitting home.

"Who is the man inside the mask?" I finish.

I suddenly realize we are nose-to-nose, my eyes drilling deep holes into his. I look away, my heart rising in my throat. He is dying. And I'm asking if he feels anything. He's dying. Jack looks down to the floor.

"Aren't you afraid, Renee?" he asks softly.

I am startled. I didn't expect him to say that. I lift his chin up with my hand, delicately, as if he might break. His eyes are dark and bitter.

I stammer, "What is there to hide, Jack?"

He shifts, and takes my hand from its resting place under his chin.

Jack replies, "What if, beneath this mask, is someone you don't want to know? A deranged, soulless maniac who doesn't care who dies as long as the ends are to his liking. Completely devoid of emotion. Someone who'd shoot anyone if their death would save two other lives. Who didn't care when his wife died. Who--"

I stop him, my finger pressed firmly to his lips. He looks at me. A look I've never seen him give. An expression so hopeless, I'm taken aback. I slowly withdraw my finger from his lips. Maybe I've thought that before, that he was heartless. But now, standing here, watching him, there's no doubt that he has a heart.

He is about to turn away. I grasp his shoulders, turning him back around to face me. His eyes are closed. When he opens them, he whispers, "R-Renee.."

This is the man beneath the mask. He was human. He was scared, broken, alone. I want to comfort him, but I don't know how I can. I don't know the words to say. But I need to say something, anything.

I finally put my thoughts into words, "This is the man under the surface."

He watches me intently.

"I'm staring at a man who is brave. Who fights even when everything is against him. I'm looking at a man who is strong, still standing even as a tornado wreaks havoc inside."

His eyes are beginning to well up with tears. That's when I realize mine have already started falling like a river. I shyly take his shirt and pull it gently off him. He obliges, wondering what in heaven or hell I am doing. I run my hand down his chest, feeling every grooved scar along the way. He winces. I continue softly, "I'm looking at a man alone. He who carries sad memories like invisible wounds. Who is putting a calm face to a torrent of fear. Who is slipping away into the dark."

He touches my hand, willing me to stop. Jack wants to withdraw again into the masquerade, the facade of the man I see now. But I have to finish, I haven't finished. I don't know what to say next, but I know I'm not done.

I place my hand on his chest, and feel his heart beating quickly. My fingers spread out across his chest. I take a deep breath. This is so hard. I don't want to hurt him, but I guess it's too late for that. A single tear falls down his cheek. This isn't the Jack Bauer I knew. My hand relaxes, still feeling his heart underneath his skin. Surprisingly, he doesn't turn away, shake me off. He doesn't say a word.

I finish, "I'm feeling a man with passion. He wants so desperately to do what's right, to make himself count for something. I feel a soul underneath this mask. A heart so burdened, but beautiful. A living, breathing heart..." My voice trails off into crying.

I feel him tremble. He wraps his arms around me. My head rests on his chest now, my hand still on his heart. Never have I felt so safe, so warm. He rubs his arms up and down my back. I'm sobbing. I wish I wasn't. I have to be strong. Strong for him. I hear Jack's voice, softly saying, "I want to be free."

I looked up at him. "You can't let go, Jack. Don't give up. Never let go."

He just holds me tighter. I pull myself closer to his face. I put my other hand on his cheek, trying to soothe him somehow. It feels natural when his lips touch mine. He pulls away quickly. His eyes search mine, asking for permission. I kiss him again, and this time he doesn't stop. I can't breathe, but I don't care. My hand is still on his heart. His lips aren't soft, but they are so real. I love the way he kisses me. It was soft, not violent. It was tender, loving. I wish it would never stop. I don't know how long this moment lasted. Eternity and microsecond would both be accurate descriptions. He ends the kiss abruptly. I look up at him and see love. Well, I guess Larry was right. I've fallen for Jack Bauer. And he is dying. I want him to kiss me again, tell me it's alright. But that's so selfish. I feel horrible. His arms are still wrapped tightly around me. I say, "I'm going to need to debrief you once you're ready."

Jack nods. He lets go of his hold around me. The air in the room is freezing. "Yeah," he says softly.

I ripped the mask away tonight, and it hurt both of us. I can see the wall building again, his face becoming blank--expressionless. Now, this was Jack on the surface, not anything like the man who kissed me. He wipes his face on his arm, and reaches for his shirt. I leave the room, glancing back to see him sitting, eyes trained on the wall opposite. I smother a moan that rises in my throat. Jack is dying, and I gave him hope of love that can never be. Jack is dying, and I've caused him more pain than I can bear. Jack is dying, and I feel like the worst person alive.

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**A/N: If you read through to here, thank you so much! I know you probably just wasted 10 minutes of your life, but thank you! Review plz. Help me in my writings. Chapter Two will be up sometime in the near future...**


	2. Beneath, Jack

**A/N: Chapter two, from Jack's POV. Same dialogue, etc. I like getting everyone's input on the situation, thus two chapters for one scene. Note, I am not as great at Jack POV as I am with Renee. --Untalented.**

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I guess this means I'm dying. I can't let Kim get involved, not for me. I'm not worth risking her life, or anyone's life for that matter. Do I have regrets? Of course. I regret that the time I finally meet my daughter again is my time to die. I regret the people I've hurt in my life. I regret that I made a good friend in Renee, and now I'm dying. Many regrets; too many for one person to carry.

The door opens slowly. I look up, not knowing what to expect. I see Renee in the frame of the door and quickly grab a shirt, trying to put it on before she came in. Of course, that isn't possible. She closes the door and her eyes fall upon me. She gasps. The corners of my mouth twitch a little. It wasn't a pretty sight to be sure: a scarred serial killer.

As soon as the t-shirt is completely on, I mutter, "Sorry."

"Don't be," she says. I stand up. Her face is very plain, as if she washed her face of ruined make-up and tears before she came in. So she knows. I just wish I could spare her some pain, but that's not possible. It's too late.

"How do you do it?" she asks. I note the bitter sadness in her question.

"What? D-do what?" I don't understand. But what did I expect her to say? I had no idea. What would I say if I knew Teri would die a day before it happened? That's a tough question. I don't know what I would say. Maybe that I love her...and I'm a hopeless idiot. But neither of those apply to Renee, do they?

She unleashes a torrent of words, "Keep so calm even with all this against you. You--you never show any sadness or fear. Why? What twisted masquerade, a mask that hides you inside. So many walls built to lock in any sign of something--something that makes you human."

Truth is, I don't know when those walls were put in place. I just know that those are necessary. I wouldn't feel safe without being able to hide. I don't feel safe now. All the alarms are ringing in my mind. I should stop this conversation now.

"Who is the man inside the mask?" That question was so profound. What does she think she'd find? Are her words in anger again, like when the girl died? Her eyes are only inches away from mine. They are roving over my face, watching.

"Aren't you afraid?" I ask. She just wants me to tell her what she wants to hear. That I'm a cold-blooded stone, oblivious to any pain. She wouldn't be the first. I stare down at the floor. I want to be anywhere else than here. I thought she was my friend. I thought-- She lifts my head.

"Wh-What is there to hide, Jack?" she asks. I already knew what I would say.

I say as calmly as possible, "What if, beneath this mask, is someone you don't want to know? A deranged, soulless maniac who doesn't care who dies as long as the ends are to his liking. Completely devoid of emotion. Someone who'd shoot anyone if their death would save two other lives. Who didn't care when his wife died. Who--"

Her finger slams down on my lips. I have more to say. I want to tell her that I hated her. That I had no feeling for her. That I should have shot her point blank earlier when I had the chance. Of course, none of this would be true. But maybe it would spare her pain. When I die, she could say, "Good riddance." She takes her finger off my lips. I can say what I want to say, but something suppresses all the hateful words I thought earlier. I'm dying, and I can't tell her I hate her; I can't tell her I love her. I turn away.

She grasps my shoulders and pull me back. I could leave. I really could. I should step out the door and not look back. I'm scared, not that I'd ever admit that. "R-Renee..." I rasp.

She's crying. I knew it. I'm making her cry. It's me. It's the fact that I'm dying. She says, "This is the man beneath the mask. I'm staring at a man who is brave. Who fights even when everything is against him. I'm looking at a man who is strong, still standing even as a tornado wreaks havoc inside."

My eyes are getting wet. But I can't cry. I blink, trying to dissolve any tears. Renee lifts the shirt off my back. I'm startled. What does she think she's doing? But I'm so helpless. I don't stop her. She drops it to the floor, crumpled in a heap. Like me: crumpled. She traces a path down my chest. She says quietly, "I'm looking at a man alone. He who carries sad memories like invisible wounds. Who is putting a calm face to a torrent of fear. Who is slipping away into the dark."

My hand grasps her wrist, her hand that is resting on my chest. Stop! _Stop!_ I feel a tear slide down my cheek. I'm angry at myself, for letting her see that. This has to end now. She moves her hand across my chest to rest in the middle, right over my heart. We're going too far. She continues, " I'm feeling a man with passion. He wants so desperately to do what's right, to make himself count for something. I feel a soul underneath this mask. A heart so burdened, but beautiful. A living, breathing heart..."

She started crying again. I wrap my arms around her. She can't be sad, not for me. I try to comfort her, rubbing my arms up and down her back, hoping to soothe her. Renee walked into my life only this morning, and yet she knows more about me than most people find in a lifetime. I'm glad she knows. She knows who I am, that I'm not a monster. That my heart breaks like it's broken now. "I just want to be free..." I say.

She looks up into my eyes. I almost fall completely apart then. It tore me to see her face so pained, full of sorrow. "You can't let go, Jack. Don't give up. Never let go," she pleads between sobs. I want to tell her that I won't. That I'll take the treatment. I'll take the chance. But I can't. I can't take that risk. She presses her other hand to my cheek, and pulls closer to me.

On impulse, I kiss her. _No!_ I pull away. This can't happen. I'm dying. But I forget everything else when she kisses me back. I'm lost to this world. I'm dying, and she is my last kiss. I never want it to end.

But I'm dying. That seems to come to mind a lot. The next seconds fly by in a blur. Renee wants to debrief me. I nod. Nothing really sticks in my memory. All I see is Renee.

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**So, what did you think? R&R.**


	3. Epilogue

**A/N: No editing whatsoever on this. Sorry. Well this is the epilogue! (And a very angsty ending to this one.)**

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He stopped the bio weapon. He did it. But it seems that every time he has a success, he slips through the cracks again. And this time, he won't be coming back. No matter if we find him again, he is lost to the world in about six hours.

Jack will never cease to amaze me. He pulled a gun on me. His turn. I shoved one in his face yesterday as well. What goes around, comes around. These terrorists don't understand that he's dying. Why torture him anymore? He let Tony escape to save Kim. Kim is out of danger now, but Jack is still captured. As I'm thinking about this, I want to punch a wall. A brick wall. I feel so angry. So sad. All confused inside.

I don't think I've ever loved like this before. Maybe because Jack is a unique case. And he is my perfect match. There's just no other way to describe it. And I'm going to lose him. Again, I feel like strangling something. Someone. The people that did this to him--to the country. They took something from him that he will not be getting back. It sounds selfish, but they also took someone from me.

Who am I? I am Renee Walker, FBI. That's what I think. But the truth? Who am I? I hardly know. I think I lost myself.

The raid. Concentrate. I have to think about the raid. We isolated Jack's location at a compound south of D.C. And we're on our way. We're coming for you Jack. Don't give up. I can hear the helicopter blades whirring above my head. I just wish they could spin faster. Jack's life could be hanging in the balance. Either that, or he is already dead.

"Thirty seconds." I hear the call from the pilot and repeat softly, "Thirty seconds..." Who knew that thirty seconds could last a life time? That's what it seems like. In thirty seconds, you can see a commercial on TV. But in thirty seconds, you can lose your life. The ceiling caves in. A car runs a red light and t-bones you in the intersection. Your doctor tells you that you have a terminal illness. Funny, how we take thirty seconds for granted, and waste it watching that commercial when you could be telling that someone how much you love them. Thirty seconds.

"We're going in in ten!" I shout over the helicopter's whirring. Ten seconds..."Nine! Eight! Seven!" I take a deep breath. "Six, five, four..." Then I stop. I take the megaphone that someone hands to me and say, "FBI! You're surrounded!" It has begun.

The fall down from the helicopter is terrifying. Not that I'm afraid of heights. I also have done it so many times before, grabbing the rope and sliding. No, the only thing that terrifies me is what I might find on ground zero. Once my feet land on solid ground, I whip out my gun, searching the grounds.

A bullet whizzing by my head brings my mind out of the fog. I load and fire, methodically. One down, there always seemed one more. Bullets are flying everywhere. I jump on a passing SUV and fire again. Finally, I see him, running for cover behind a truck. I roll of the truck and start towards his position, firing until I'm out of sight. I turn around and run to him. He is trying to say something, but his words are snuffed out by a piece of duct tape covering his mouth.

I kneel down beside him and quickly rip the tape off his mouth. He says quickly, "Stay away from me. I'm wired with C4 and Tony has the detonator." I pull open his jacket and begin to dismantle the bomb. I say quietly, "There was no chance I was going to leave you here with explosives, Jack." He looks at me. He doesn't respond to my statement but says instead, "Tony's been playing both sides all along. You have to find him. He's trying to kill the man behind this conspiracy." I nod and keep unwiring the explosives. He shouts, "Didn't you hear me? You have to go get him." I look up, momentarily stopping. I want to tell him that I love him, and that's why I can't leave. But I stop. I cannot say things that will only make both of us ache more. I guess both of us have built walls to keep our true selves from showing through.

Finally, the lights blank out on the parcel attached to his body. He sighs, beginning to untie it as he runs toward the action. I am dazed for a moment, but I quickly follow behind him. I guess that's Jack Bauer for you. I think only one thing is on his mind now: finding Tony. He runs with a limp now, pain etched across his face. I want to tell him that he should sit down; his part in this is done. I want to tell him lots of things, but I am lost for words. I wonder if he feels the same.

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Alan Wilson. I want to tear that man's head off his shoulders and burn the body. Put his head on a stake in front of the Lincoln Memorial. Something drastic, though possibly not along those lines. I hated his smirk when I stormed off. There won't be any material evidence. But shouldn't his being there be evidence enough? He'll walk away scotch free, leaving Larry dead, leaving Bill dead, and letting Jack deteriorate slowly of a biological attack.

Jack. He's sitting down now on the stretcher, a few rays of sunlight streaking across his face. He looks so peaceful now. There seems to be a weird mechanism in our brain that keeps us going if there is a crisis. Even though Jack was in pain, he was able to function only because there were innocent lives at stake. But, his final mission complete, though peaceful, he looks so tired and weak. I notice the subtle creases of pain on his face as I approach.

I swallow the knot of anger and sadness in my throat. But Jack somehow knows what I'm feeling. He asks, "What happened?" My eyes water a little. I reply, "He's denying everything, saying we don't have proof. I don't know what to do."

He sighs, glancing away from me. Then he says, "I can't tell you what to do. I guess the only advice I can give.." He looks up at me and continues, "Try and make choices that you can live with."

I take a deep breath and then say, "How can I live with this?" My voice shudders involuntarily. Jack puts a hand on my cheek, as a tear falls down onto it. He says nothing. I quickly put all my thoughts into one single action. One gesture that could say more than words. I put my hand on his heart. His eyes light up, remembering. He will always remember. Then, he reaches into his pocket and slips a piece of paper in between my fingers as they rest on his chest. I feel something circling inside, a passionate feeling that I cannot describe.

He smiles. _I feel it too._

The medics pull the stretcher away. I watch him until he is out of sight, inside the ambulance. That's when it hits me. He's never coming back. I collapse to the ground, head in my hands. I cry. I don't know how long. I just know that there's a hole ripped inside my heart that will never be repaired.

I suddenly remember the piece of paper in my hands. Jack gave it to me. My hands tremble as I open the paper.

_Remember me only if it brings you a smile._

_If the memory brings you pain, then forget._

I can almost hear his voice whispering those words to me. I cannot forget. I will never forget. The words are written lightly in pencil, but many more words have been scratched out or erased. I look closer and see something that takes my breath away. A faint mark is left on the paper where he erased these words: _I love you_.

"Agent Walker?" Someone asks. I crumple the paper and stand up. I nod to the person. I should know who he is, but all I can think of is what I've lost. But I give him a fake smile and follow the agent towards a waiting car to take me back to headquarters. Nothing ever works out the way it should. And I can't even live up to his want. I have to remember, even if it kills me.

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**Well, I hope you enjoyed the story! Thank you for reading. Anyway, upcoming projects include a deathfic 24 collection and something I call a "webfic". Stay tuned for more stories! If you have any requests, feel free to pm. :3**

**-Alice Esther Yesmin...**


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